On Self Sabotage

My face when I’m listening to an op, who’s pretending they’re not an op.

In my last post, I shared on the story of the Ten Talents and identified ways that we self-sabotage. (Check out “On Hidden Talents” and see if you relate.)

In today’s post, I’m sharing how we overcome self-sabotage.

What I’ve discovered is most of our self-sabotage stems from a fear of other people’s perceptions and opinions of us. Once you can let that go, you’re unstoppable.

Let’s get into it!

You must first understanding the following:

You cannot control anyone’s happiness but your own. No matter how hard you try, you will never be enough to fulfill that for anyone. Not your spouse, not your parents, not your boyfriends or your girlfriends. Only God can fill that, and that a choice from within.

The fear of man is a TRAP. Proverbs tells us this over and over. Fear of man is a snare. It will keep you in a bondage cycle, never doing what you want because of what they might think. It’s keeping you from fulfilling why God has you here, and will always feel sucky.

Success requires you to be uncomfortable. Listen, it just does. If you’re trying to make a difference and build some wealth at the same time, it’s not going to be a comfortable journey. A lot more people would be on it. So it’s going to feel isolating and scary. And you’re going to feel rejected. But the truth is, we’re all on a unique path, so we can’t always expect those paths to stay aligned the entire journey. Loosen up and focus on your path.

”If you look for obstacles, all you will see is obstacles.” I heard this in a video last week, and suddenly it clicked. We really do put ourselves in a box, when we spend so much time focusing on who doesn’t like us. There is a whole world out there waiting on you to share your gift, and you never access them, because you’re waiting on someone close to you to get it.

If you look for ops, you’ll always find ops. But if you focus on your true audience, those who genuinely (and outwardly) support you, you’ll find even more.

Here’s the video.

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Ok, on to the solution…

  • Create distance between people who don’t quite yet see the vision. It is so important that you be in an environment where the vision is nourished and protected. If you are around people who make you question or doubt your gifting, whether knowingly or unknowingly, they will cause you to stumble and hesitate. Simply share less, and spend less time, so that you have room to foster it’s growth in safe community.
  • Set clear boundaries around your to-do’s. When you don’t have clear boundaries, anything can happen. Priorities collide. Schedules overlap. Friction happens.
    Align with what is pulling you forward. Set boundaries to protect your creative time and energy. If it is not serving or fueling you, separate. Place it on the outside of your boundaries, until the task is done. Even “good” things need to fall outside of the boundary of what aligns with your current and primary focus.
    If you aren’t setting boundaries to protect your craft, then other people will always trump it. Make it a priority and protect it like you would anyone else’s.
  • Develop strong communication skills. Say it with your chest. What are you withholding? And how is it limiting your growth? What’s not being said that could lead to more clarity and progress.
    Maybe it’s talking with some who could help. Or just out right sharing what you are working on to get feedback or get started. Or maybe it’s resolving an issue in your relationship that is draining both of your productivity. Or perhaps it’s a tough conversation with a loved one to set clear boundaries to protect your energy.
    Whether it’s advocating for yourself behind the scenes or communicating publicly to build your career or brand, good communication is an invaluable tool for growth and conflict (both internal and external) resolution.
    Clear and direct communication heals a wealth of ills. If you have trouble in this area work with an accountability partner or coach on developing the confidence and better communication skills.
  • Celebrate yourself IN PRIVATE first. I mean really go after it!
    Celebrate the small wins. Celebrate the big ones. Celebrate being you. Celebrate your gifts!
    But do this in private, first. Before you tell anyone. Because once that thang hits the air, SOMEONE isn’t going to like it. Whether it’s because they feel left out, or they simply don’t like you. And when you feel that funk, it dissipates the potency of the joy you once had for it.
    Celebrate yourself in private first. Dance. Scream. Cry. Really, let it sink in. Savor the moment. Bask in the story of it all. Dream about what’s next.  And allow that to fuel what you create next before the haters even get wind of it. You’ll feel so energized that it will be easy to keep distance from people who do not match that energy. And from THAT vibration,  you’ll be attractive to exactly who you are called to serve on your mission here.

I don’t know what self-sabotage looks like for you right now, but I hope this list helps you start moving in the direction of honoring yourself and your gifts.

The truth is, we can’t waste our time worrying about who likes us, because most people don’t even love themselves. So save yourself the unnecessary stress.  And focus on who you were called to serve instead.

People who always have a critique stay right there at their last critique. We, however, are moving forward.

xo,

Bex

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