I’ve had many recent conversations about polygamy, because naturally, a lot of men here in Nigeria advocate for it. What I’ve noticed is that none are willing to acknowledge the impact it has on the kids. Polygamy is a curse.
I’ve seen way and read way too many examples lately that confirm this. They often say, “then why don’t the women leave?” Fear. Fear of instability, shame or abuse.
And that fear opens the door to so much more. Then you have wives cursing one another or each other’s kids out of jealousy. The fear and rejection the kids grow up around as their mom’s compete for assurance or live in defeat.
These things are impactful on the identity and confidence of the kids. And this shows up later in life in the form of low self-esteem, depression and anxiety.
The irony is that most men who advocate for this grew up watching their fathers whether formally or informally enforce this way of life. And they have no idea that their support of it is a product of their low self-esteem and relational anxiety, which comes as a result of this.
This is why silence and reflection is so key. Do you actually support polygamy, or are you just afraid of being unsuccessful at monogamy? And is that fear as a result of simply not having an example of it?
Monogamy is indeed possible. And it’s none of my business which you choose. Just make sure you’re not choosing it from a place of fear and defeat.
And for those that like to use the Bible as a reference to support polygamy, let’s actually go there: Solomon’s son was stripped of the Kingdom as a result of his polygamy. And David’s son with Bathsheba died as a result of his adultery.
See: 1 Kings 11:11-12 & 2 Samuel 12:14 Respectively. Both of their sons suffered severely as a result of this sin. So while you may be forgiven, and experience a life of great fruits. Your children will likely suffer as you probably have from being a product of it.
So let’s not fool ourselves and suffer unnecessary consequences for generations to come. Read the full story. Read exactly what God said to them. Go back and read it: 1 Kings 11. 2 Samuel 12.
And then let’s have a real conversation about how your preference for polygamy is probably a lack of discipline and fear in God. Possibly coupled with a refusal to acknowledge and heal from your baggage. (That’s not for everyone)
This topic is very dear to me because I am a product of its consequences, and I am fighting relentlessly in prayer and action daily to free myself and my family from the devilish impact these consequences have had. Many of us are.
It occurs to me that my family has experienced both the consequence David endured in losing a son and the consequence of another son warring to regain his inheritance. So yes, I will die on this hill. Polygamy is a curse. Your kids deserve better.
You deserved better.
And I thank God for the power of mercy and deliverance.
I’m open to hearing positive true stories of it working. But I just get this feeling, deep down, no matter how pretty the picture looks, someone is deeply hurting. I really want to see it though.
I am also open to being completely wrong here. Perhaps I’m not seeing it right.
And to all the monogamous men, God favors you. God bless you for understanding that legacy is deeper than the surface.
Walk with God, and everything becomes easier.
Matthew 11:29-30 29Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.
Thank you, God.
So if it (monogamy) sounds impossible to you now, fall back in love with God. Together you’ll get to experience again the fruits of His righteousness.
By faith. Because THAT is the only way to please God.
And if you do not care to please God (or about your kids for that matter), continue in your ways and thinking, this post is not for you.